negativeland.

OOC: Hiatus-y.

2008-10-01T08:27:27Z

Okay, everyone has probably noticed this, but I'm gonna make it official: Chris is going on the shelf for a little while.

I've sort of lost his voice. Negativeland underwent a massive rewrite, as you know, and I never really got much feedback on it, which meant I wasn't sure what to do with the next draft of the script. As such...there isn't a next draft, and the project has sort of died. The agency I work for hasn't told me a damn thing about it, and they're not exactly talking to me right now either so bleh.

Add that to a lot of personal stuff going on right now - I've just found out that I won't be getting an interview for my expected new job after all and I'll be at the dentist tomorrow - and while I keep intending to write prompts for him, I just haven't had the time. I'm committed to other storylines and characters and it's becoming hard to keep up with everything, to the point where I'm really looking at getting rid of some muses or at least their community memberships. I'm cognizant of the fact that Chris is much adored and I'd rather put him aside than just get rid of him.

If he's needed for anything, let me know and I'll see what I can do, but I think he's gonna have to wait until I have more time to devote for him and some idea of what the hell is going on with him. See you when we see you. :)

Prompt: We start to fight and can’t get over what was said. (TW 7)

2008-07-26T19:25:52Z

We start to fight and can’t get over what was said.

I think even now that we know the truth about what happened on that terrace, Brian and I will always fight. The whole thing started because of that one decision - that one bullet that killed Brandon Dayne - but it's about more than that. He knows now, and I know now, that he saved my life by doing what he did. Traded my life for the kid's, even if he didn't know it at the time. I was wrong, and he was right.

That doesn't mean we change our points of view, however. He still believes in intimidation and aggression, and I don't. I'm a pacifist who will never fire my service weapon in the line of duty if I can help it. If I had the situation to do over again, I'd do it the exact same way, and so would he. Nothing would change. We're too set in our ways. After so long hating each other for one moment...I don't think that either of us would know how to get along if we even wanted to. I think we're just damned to disagree. And neither of us seems to mind.

Why mess with what doesn't work?

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 200

Prompt: Take your infinite wisdom and shove it up your ass. (TW 5)

2008-07-14T22:11:05Z

Take your infinite wisdom and shove it up your ass.

Office politics are a strange business. Seniority isn't just about the number of years you've served anymore. Now they just call you old. Now they want to know where you've served and what you've done and how many people you've rung up. It's all B.S. really, because statistics don't change lives.

That's the problem with bureaucracy in law enforcement. It's run like a business. There are no facts and figures. There is no bottom line. It's about helping people. Making people's lives better. If you're not doing that, then you're not doing a damn thing.

You can take your manual and use it to cuddle while I'm out kicking the ass of the people who want to break into your house, steal your stuff, and beat you senseless. How's that for prevailing wisdom?

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 134

OOC: Canon changes

2008-07-14T12:41:33Z

I did a fifth draft (second revision) of Negativeland this weekend, and per some critiques, I completely changed the bad guy. Ergo, massive canon changes, as it also explains why Chris and Farrell hate each other so much. As such, Chris's LJ canon is changing too.

There is no Long Beach bombing case and no Richard Jarvis, as amusing as the Shamu jokes are to me. Some of the things that are now canon:

1. Chris's wife, Holly, spent some time with the FBI as a graphic artist at one point, and is now a member of the FBI Reserve (something she conveniently forgot to mention to Chris).

2. Kyle used to be a high school English teacher, before he worked with Chris in L.A. and then accepted a job working with him in Sonoma.

3. Analise is from Texas and came to the SCU specifically to work with Chris.

4. Chris and Farrell go back seven years. They met the year that Chris came from L.A., when they were assigned to the case of 17-year-old Brandon Dayne. Long story short, the kid pulled a gun on Chris, and Farrell shot him to save Chris. Chris believed he could have defused the situation, while Farrell saw him as ungrateful -- hence the feud. (When Dayne's younger brother decides he wants revenge for his brother's death, it's Chris who ends up saving Farrell...while finally saying 'thank you' when he also realizes Brandon would have shot him and he was wrong all along.)

5. Farrell sees Chris as the young upstart because Chris got to Sonoma the year after he did and then proceeded to outshine him. Farrell would prefer Chris get the hell out so he can hold something over him for once.

6. Chris left the L.A. office because he disagreed with its policy shift post-9/11.

Prompt: April Is The Cruelest Month. (OM July)

2008-07-05T03:52:47Z

April Is The Cruelest Month.

I've never liked April. This is because, for whatever reason, some genius in the FBI administrative structure decided that it would be the month where we do all of our unit performance evaluations and other paperwork. In my opinion, if it's a yearly evaluation, it would make more sense to put it at the end of the year, but then somebody complained that it was around Christmas, and so we moved it to the beginning of the year, but that was too close to New Year's and the post-Christmas hangover, so...

April. They just picked a random month and now it's April. I'm waiting for someone to complain that it's too close to Easter and therefore their kids will be somehow deprived.

I don't like doing performance evaluations. I don't see the point. I'm not convinced anyone actually reads them, and I don't need to document my team's best and worst qualities. Those come out in their work, and in everything that they do. Why should I have to throw it down on a piece of paper that will sit in a file and be largely ignored when I could spend that time making paper airplanes to throw at Farrell's head or something equally as constructive?

It's all a waste of time.

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 212

Prompt: Clever is as clever does. (TW 2)

2008-06-19T21:36:28Z

Clever is as clever does.

I've yet to figure out why all the women in the room are smarter than the men.

My wife is definitely smarter than I am. Obviously, given that she puts up with me. She's also very sneaky. I don't know how I didn't notice that she filed the paperwork and got cleared for the FBI Reserve, but she did. Considering she has to take care of me and my moods, on top of her own life, I give her a lot of credit.

Then you've got Farrell's wife. Nancy Farrell is quite obviously smarter than her husband (which isn't that hard to do). I don't remember what she does, but she is a very strong woman (she has to be, to deal with him). We don't know each other that well, but I respect her for being married to that jerk and not having smothered him by now.

Even my therapist -- Julia might be a little nosy, but she's good at what she does. If she wasn't, I wouldn't have given her the time of day, let alone let her into my world. She listens to me and makes sense of what I'm saying. She listens too much to everyone else, but she is a smart woman.

They're all smart woman. Very strong women. I'm fortunate to know all of them. And I'm not sure that they couldn't take all of us on any day.

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 236

OOC: Thank you!

2008-06-12T22:54:55Z

I want to say thank you for Chris's nomination for Best Written Original Character of the Year (Male). This is a shocker. He's not in a lot of communities, doesn't really RP...I had no idea he was thought so highly of!

Of course, my other muse is up in the same category, so now I feel like a mom on Southwest Airlines. You know that running flight attendant joke: "If you have two kids, decide now which one you love more." Actually that sounds like something Chris would say.

Thanks, guys.

Prompt: Is there NO filter between your brain and your mouth? (TBS 2.18)

2008-06-06T06:47:41Z

Is there NO filter between your brain and your mouth?

Now where's the fun in that?

No, seriously. If you can't take someone being honest with you, then get out of the way, because I don't believe in censoring myself just to protect somebody else. I'm not going to say something for shock value, but I am going to tell the truth, and if it makes you cry? Then you need to learn to deal with that.

Real life doesn't have a censor either.

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 74

Prompt: Explain why you picked a particular face for your muse. (OM June.)

2008-06-06T06:42:08Z

Explain why you picked a particular face for your muse. Did you ever consider anyone else? What makes them bring your muse to life?

Chris actually exists because of Andrew McCarthy, not the other way around. It all started in 2001 when I was complaining that Andrew didn't get any really good roles anymore. He's been doing a lot of direct to video stuff and TV shows that are pretty lame, and I was annoyed about it. One of my high school buddies turned to me and said, "Well if you're gonna bitch about it, you might as well write it."

So I did. The character of Chris and the idea of Negativeland was written specifically for Andrew and his talents in both comedy and drama.

A lot of other things in the universe have changed over the last couple of years. The role of David Taylor, Chris's partner, was originally played by Nicholas Lea. I absolutely adore Nick (I've met him), but I decided to go younger with the part and selected someone else I'm fond of, Desmond Harrington, after I saw him hit comedy out of the park with Sons & Daughters. The role of desk agent Vincent Eisen was played by Hank Azaria at first, but then went to my good friend Fred Goss. I discovered it makes Chris's plight seem even more weird if I surrounded him with people who are good at playing straight comedy.

His supporting people have changed, but there's only one Chris Lipton.

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 225

Prompt: Customer service. (TBS 2.16.)

2008-05-30T19:35:06Z

Customer service.

It all started with an innocent article in the local paper. One that got dragged into Chris Lipton's office the next morning, while his boss clutched at it like an aghast mother. "What did you do?" he shrieked, and Lipton wondered if maybe he should start slipping Xanex into his boss's coffee.

(If he didn't need it so much himself, he would have.)

As it was, he just cocked his head to look at Brady and said, "I do lots of things. I got up this morning and had a shower and some waffles, and then I came down here and started working on my reports."

"What did you say?" Brady corrected. "Did you tell the news media that they're completely ignorant?"

"I believe my exact words were 'not as observant as I would prefer.'"

"It's the same thing!" his boss continued. "Chris...this is the public. The people that pay into our budgets with their taxes? You can't go out there and tell them that they're ignorant! You can't talk to them like that."

"Why not? That's how a lot of them talk about us," Chris replied, an impassive look on his face. "That's how a lot of people talk about cops these days. They've said a lot worse. Telling people that they need to pay attention in their own lives instead of waiting for someone to do it for them is not like calling them by ethnic slurs. What's more, you know I'm right. You know I am. Because I always am."

"Chris..." Brady scrubbed a hand over his face. "Can you just do me a favor and never, ever talk at another press conference ever again?"

"If that's what makes you happy." Lipton nodded, and watched his beleaguered boss storm off into the next room. He waited until the younger man had left for the smirk to cross his face, and he just shook his head and went back to his paperwork.

Sitting across from him, David Taylor only said, "Well, that's one way to get out of the public eye."

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 345

OOC: For Law & Order types

2008-05-27T05:04:13Z

Soooo.

I sort of got sucked into Season 18 of Law & Order Classic and have to say I've become a fangirl again. (Let's blame Anthony Anderson and Linus Roache, shall we? Okay!)

I know a lot of you are in or know people in the fandom, so I had two questions. First -- how is the best way to get caught up on Season 18? I've only been watching the past few episodes and it seems like the TNT/every other freaking channel reruns are only up to Season 17.

And. I am having an itch to write in the fandom, or at least maybe to try and get some of my OCs active and run them around in the sandbox. Suggestions for the best ways/places to get started? I don't have any particular idea in mind, just that dammit, I want to try and interact with some of these characters, if they're about!

Much love for all the help! Chris will be back as soon as I can come up with a response to the latest TBS prompt that doesn't suck. *meep*

Prompt: If your muse was in therapy... (OM May)

2008-05-04T04:43:16Z

If your muse was in therapy, what would they be in therapy for?

I am in therapy. But not for anything wrong with me.

I'm in therapy because of everything wrong with the rest of the human race.

If people had any common sense, decorum, restraint, education, proper grammar, fashion sense, humility, or a whole list of things I could point out, I wouldn't need to be in therapy. Then we would all be functional human beings and the world would be a better place. But they don't, and we're not, and it isn't. So I see a therapist twice a month.

Don't get me wrong. Dr. Dennington is a very professional and intelligent woman who knows most of what she's talking about. I have no complaints about my therapist, except for that she spends too much time listening to other people about my life. Yet the institution of therapy isn't one that I engage in for leisure. I'm only there to find a way to get through the day. And because it makes everyone around me feel better. I'm not going to be sitting there with a compulsive need to perfectly arrange the couch cushions. I'm taking notes.

Yes, that's right. I take notes during my own therapy sessions. You have a problem with that?

I'm not in therapy for me.

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 219

Prompt: You're alone, and suddenly there is a bright light, and... (TBS 2.14.2.G.)

2008-05-04T04:36:25Z

You're alone, and suddenly there is a bright light, and a voice. The voice tells you that you are the Messiah. What next?

I only need to say one word: Finally.

[locked]

No.

Remember when I said I didn't want to be a dictator? I don't want to be God either. The same reasons apply. If I had to be high and mighty, everyone underneath me would eventually drive me insane.

I pretend like I'm self-important, but trust me: I know I'm just a man.

Your average everyday sane psycho super-agent.

[/locked]

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 67

Prompt: It was the most bizarre thing I had ever seen... (TBS 2.13.3.I.)

2008-04-25T19:45:47Z

It was the most bizarre thing I had ever seen, and that’s saying a lot.

It was the most bizarre thing I had ever seen, and that’s saying a lot.

But there was Farrell, leaning over me when I came to.

I have a reasonably unorthodox method of crimefighting, which is that I will use anything and everything I can get my hands on before I'll pull my service weapon out of its holster. On occasion, that will backfire. Such as when I was playing chicken with a moron driving a Toyota Corolla and lost. It hit my car head on and everything after that went black, until I woke up on the asphalt on the side of the road.

With my archnemesis looking down at me.

"Either I'm dead," I muttered through the haze of head trauma, "or you're about to make some smartass comment."

"Shut up, Chris." Farrell didn't even bat an eyelash. "The ambulance is on its way."

I was figuring that this was some sort of pain-based hallucination, but he wasn't kidding. Two minutes later an ambulance roared onto the scene, and I found myself being carted off to the local ER. Nothing serious, just a concussion, some whiplash, and a few scrapes and bruises. But that wasn't nearly as traumatic as what was unfolding around me.

Farrell ordered one of his agents to ride with me in the ambulance. Then, as they're getting ready to send me off, he came over to me and said, "You're going to be okay. Don't worry about anything. I'll take care of it."

I'm serious. That's what he said.

And that was exactly what he did. This was well before either of us had the teams we do today, so I didn't have Dave or anyone else to lean on. But Farrell stayed at the scene to finish the investigation. He closed the case on my behalf. And when I was enjoying my stay in a hospital recovery room, he came to see me. He was actually concerned with my health. We argued for a moment or two, but I could see in his eyes that he was glad I was okay.

That's the thing about the two of us. We might hate each other's guts, but Brian is a hell of an agent, and so am I. And when it comes down to it, we're on the same side.

But him being nice to me? Still the most bizarre thing I've ever seen.

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 400

Prompt: “No one appreciates a true psychopathic genius, these days…" (TBS 2.12.4.D.)

2008-04-19T19:38:52Z

"No one appreciates a true psychopathic genius, these days..."

"No one appreciates a true psychopathic genius, these days," Chris remarked as he stepped out of yet another meeting with his boss, this one about how he had convinced a suspect that a photocopier was, in fact, a polygraph machine.

Leaning against the wall, David eyed his partner. "You know, you might help your reputation if you didn't use all the phrases to describe you that everyone else does."

"There's a method to my madness," Chris replied as they walked down the hallway toward the elevators that would take them back to their office. Nonchalantly, he pressed the button to call the elevator, ignoring the look on the younger man's face. "What?"

"What are you talking about?" David asked, eyebrow arched.

Chris just smirked to himself as he leaned against the wall, arms folded over his chest in that way which indicated he was about to take someone to school. "Dave, did you ever take any sociology classes in college?"

"A couple." David had a feeling he was going to regret this conversation.

"And did you ever hear of Erving Goffman?" Chris asked. "Erving Goffman did some very interesting research on stigma -- actually, that was the title of his book -- and labels. He talked about how people get labels and what those labels mean. I've got a big label as a loose cannon around here. But that can play to my advantage. If people don't know what I'm capable of, they have no idea what I might do."

As they stepped into the elevator, David honestly smirked. He had to admit that Chris had a very good point. Shaking his head, he glanced at his partner. "And you're just going to milk that for all it's worth, aren't you?"

"Of course I am!" Chris beamed. "I wouldn't be using my maximum potential if I didn't. Brady would be upset."

David snorted. "Only you would take the phrase 'psychopathic genius' as good for productivity."

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 325

Prompt: Black comedy. (TBS 2.11.4.A.)

2008-04-14T04:24:38Z

Black comedy.

Let me share one of my rules of life with you: it is perfectly acceptable to laugh at someone if they're being stupid. Even if they're being stupid while committing a crime. Especially if they're committing a crime.

Some people tend to think that because I have a sense of humor about my job, that makes me an insensitive bastard. They take offense to the fact that I am capable of laughing at the insanity that is the Special Cases Unit's common denominator. What they just don't get is that yes, I am laughing at them, but how can anyone with any sense of humor whatsoever not laugh at some of the things that I handle?

Let's face it. Burning down a strip mall on accident is funny. An environmental activist who then threatens to blow up the best aquarium in California is so completely nonsensical that it's hilarious. Please. You want to save the animals and yet you have no problem taking out Shamu and a bunch of his closest friends? How exactly does that work?

It's funny. Just because it also happens to be criminal doesn't make it any less funny. And if you can't see the humor in it, may I suggest removing the stick from your ass.

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 211

Prompt: "So presumably they play really loud, really fast and then burst into flames!" (OM April)

2008-04-03T19:10:13Z

"So presumably they play really loud, really fast and then burst into flames!"

I've seen a lot of strange things in my lifetime. Strange seems to gravitate toward me.

But seeing somebody who managed to burn down an entire strip mall just by screwing around in a furniture store? That's a new one, even for me.

Let me explain: there was a guy who was causing a scene in the furniture store where he was formerly employed. In an effort to be the biggest jackass possible, he turned on all the vibrating chairs. The amount of vibration caused such a motion that it started rattling lamps in the store next door, several of which crashed and caught on fire, which then proceeded to burn down the entire mall.

We were called in just as the whole thing finished burning to the ground. Literally, the entire mall was just ashes and debris. Couldn't salvage a thing. My partner and I stood there and watched the whole thing smolder, the fire department scrambling to put it out. It's one of those things that just makes you shake your head in disbelief.

Everyone assumed that such a freak happening had to be some sort of terrorist attack, or at least, federal case.

Nope.

Stupidity just runneth over.

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 201

Prompt: They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but... (TBS 2.8.1.A.)

2008-03-30T07:47:03Z

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but that is not always true...

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but that is not always true.

Farrell leaves and I'm walking on sunshine.

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 22, but he figured everyone got the point.

Prompt: ...Contemplate the extent of human stupidity. (TBS 2.8.1.A.)

2008-03-22T00:22:51Z

The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.

OOC: So, I got feedback on my screenplay today. It kind of irritated me, but I'm okay with it. Chris, on the other hand, is not okay with it. I take no responsibility for anything that he says...

I've had a chance to read your "notes". I use air quotes because better critiques have been given by politicians on a bender.

Are you serious?

Wait. Don't answer that. I already know.

You have the nerve to call me "bumbling." Bumbling? You don't have the first clue. Do you have a Masters Degree from Stanford? Have you spent more than two decades of your life serving your country, working forty-plus-hour work weeks in criminal investigations? Have you been trained by some of the best in that field? Are you teaching in that field? I don't think so.

But what makes me angrier is that you want to refer to my agents as "idiots." Take all the shots at me you want, but don't you dare talk about my agents. All of them have college degrees and FBI training. Kyle Porter has been doing this just about as long as I have. David Taylor is one of the best pure agents I've ever seen. I'm not a fan of Vincent Eisen's nose ring, but he knows his job so I don't have to. And Analise Lawrence might be a rookie, but just because she's a pretty face doesn't make her stupid.

You can't even spell my name properly. I don't have time for people who can't even spell simple five-letter words or use proper grammar.

Let's get something else straight, by the way: the majority of investigative work is discussion and legwork. Anyone in any field of law enforcement can tell you that. It's only in your head that cops spend all their time chasing people and delivering bombastic speeches. That doesn't happen. We discuss evidence, make phone calls, research files and use our heads. If you want a squad of cops that will just beat you up and parade around like Dirty Harry, go ahead. You'll be crying within a week.

My sense of humor is "not intelligent enough" for you? This from the world that keeps people like Pauly Shore and Andy Dick employed? This from the people who thought Dude, Where's My Car? was funny? This from the world that cancelled Titus? No. You don't know what intelligent humor is.

If I want the camera somewhere, then I'm going to put it there. If I feel like listening to Green Day, I'm going to, even if it's not popular. You know what? I have a very specific idea of how I want to run my investigations, and that's how I'm going to run them. And if I want my wife in the room with me, she can be in the room with me. There is nothing unprofessional about my wife baking cookies. It's not like I told her to go interrogate a suspect.

And guess what? A guy who gets crushed by his own idiocy is funny and I won't pretend it isn't. It's incredibly amusing to me.

Much like you. Go back to high school English, pass the FBI Academy, and then we'll talk. Until then? I don't care what you think about me.

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 508

OOC: Shameless Self-Promotion

2008-03-19T00:14:01Z

Since I know there are a few original characters on Chris's flist...I was recently (read: last night) tapped to take over as mod at original_muses and am working on getting the comm up and running. Prompts are up for March. Take a look, and hopefully I'll see you there!

Prompt: Attacked by an alligator who is on your street. (TBS 2.7.2.B.)

2008-03-16T19:26:42Z

Attacked by an alligator who is on your street.

This was not the way Chris had expected to start his morning. It must have been a testament to his capacity that when his neighbors had noticed the giant reptile prowling the neighborhood, they had called him. And then they'd called Animal Control.

So while they waited for that to happen, Chris was standing in the middle of the street, in suit and tie, one hand on his gun, staring at the alligator. It seemed a bit too High Noon for his taste, especially since it wasn't even ten in the morning yet. "Does anyone have the first clue how it got here?" he asked his wife, without taking his eyes off the lizard, that seemed perfectly content to sit there and stare back at him.

"No idea," she said. "Maybe it escaped from the zoo...but does it really matter why?"

"No. I was just curious." Chris didn't really care where the alligator had come from. He was more concerned in making sure it didn't try to eat anything, or worse, anyone. Not that dealing with this had been in his FBI training, or even any of his cases. He'd once destroyed an aquarium, but that wasn't the same thing. A tidepool full of starfish was much less harmful than an alligator. Especially one that seemed to be agitated.

He knew the prevailing logic would be to just pull his service weapon and shoot it. But Animal Control were already on their way. And Chris wasn't about to pull his gun on anyone or anything if he didn't have to. He wasn't that kind of man. Still, he had one hand sitting on his holster, just in case. And he knew his usual specialty, talking it down, wasn't going to work either.

"They are never gonna believe this at work," he quipped. Then, tongue-in-cheekly, he said, "Cover me, I'm going in."

"Maybe it'll eat you and save the universe some time," he heard from behind him. His expression immediately became pained and he turned around to see Farrell's spotless BMW parked by the curb, the other veteran agent stepping out of it. "You were supposed to be at work an hour ago. We figured something bad had happened, but I have to say 'giant alligator' was not on my list."

"I know, I know, you had 'nuclear war,' didn't you?" Chris retorted, chuckling dryly as he turned to look at Farrell. "Animal Control will be on its way in a few minutes. I'm just holding the fort until they get here. Unless you want to wrestle the alligator. Who knows, you might be good at it."

Forget the alligator. He would always be in a permanent face-off with the giant snake.

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 451

Thread: Community Relations

2008-03-13T20:51:46Z

OOC: Open to any FBI agents who want to pop in. Also, anybody else who wants to smuggle themselves in is more than welcome to!

It was the morning of the FBI retreat, and the Sonoma Field Annex was busy with activity. Most of it centered around how to properly agent-proof Chris Lipton.

"Are we on schedule?" That voice belonged to Chris's boss, Brady Nichols, who was checking his watch as he moved through the main lobby. "These guys are gonna be here in like, two hours."

Sitting at his desk, where he answered the phones and managed the office, Vincent Eisen just blinked at him. "We know what time it is," he drawled, "and I haven't even spotted any Fedmobiles in the parking lot. Relax."

"He won't relax," Chris piped up as he came out of the Special Cases Unit bullpen, holding the copies of his paper. He had managed to actually write an entire brief on office politics in one day, largely because when he got started? He got too irritated to stop. That in mind, he took one look at Brady's panicked face. "Would you like me to get you a paper bag? It's not as if they're going to care. They're coming here to get out of work and get drunk."

"Just because they don't care doesn't mean we shouldn't," Brady pointed out.

Chris nodded. "Fair point," he admitted. At least his appointment with Dr. Dennington wasn't until tomorrow, so he could tell her all these stories then. "David and Kyle are running the SCU this afternoon. I'm going to go into the conference room and make sure everything is set up. Scream if you need me. Or if something tries to eat you."

He delivered the line so deadpan that it cast an uneasy silence over the room.

Brady paused, watched him go, then looked at Vincent. "Did I make a mistake letting him do this?" he asked.

"To paraphrase Wolverine, he's the best there is at what he does," Vincent replied. "And besides, Farrell's out of town on that jumper. Who else were you going to get? Kyle? Kyle wouldn't do this if you paid him."

"I am paying him." Brady shook his head. "The best you can quote is the X-Men?"

"Hey. Don't diss the mutants."

Still attempting to wrap his brain around that, the supervising agent went back to his office, thankfully leaving his more experienced agents to actually do their jobs. This included letting Chris off his leash. Lipton, after checking with Adam Maynard, whom he had drafted to help set up the furniture in the conference room, went back out to the lobby. Of course, the first person he ran into happened to be his wife.

"Hi, sweetheart." Everything else forgotten, Chris reached for Holly and pulled her into a hug, greeting her with a chaste kiss. "Thanks for coming down today. I really appreciate it." His wife had been his go-to girl on many an occasion, and had volunteered to do her work from the SCU office today, so she could also help the shorthanded unit. It was one of Holly Lipton's many talents.

She pulled back and smirked slightly at him. "You really appreciate it?" she teased. "Like how much do you appreciate it?"

"That would be ruining the surprise." He smirked back at her. "I'll check in with you later. Page me if you need anything."

"We'll be fine, Chris," she replied as she headed into the office. Chris watched her go and chuckled. As much as Brady worried about him, he had to admit they were alike in that he worried about his team. Which included his wife.

Now it was just time to wait and see who else turned up, and if Brady had reason to worry.

Rant: It's All Academic

2008-03-13T01:48:33Z

OOC: Okay, so I really just wanted a reason to picspam the flist with this great link, but then Chris wanted to talk about his academic career. If any FBI agent muses want to pop into Sonoma, that's cool, otherwise Chris can just blog about annoying random agents with his smarts.

So guess who just got volunteered to host the next FBI retreat?

Gotta love Brady and that go-to spirit.

File this under "Not commonly known facts about Chris Lipton": I am what you could call an agent-academic. I have a Masters from Stanford and I enjoy the learning and teaching components of my job. I've read pretty much every paper that I can, and I've written a good three dozen of them in my career. Which means when one of our agents needs to go to any sort of conference or formal event, I'm the one who usually gets nominated.

Even Farrell doesn't really begrudge me. It's because he knows I'm better at it than he is and that I look better in a tuxedo than he does. Two of the things on which we agree.

The Sonoma field office is actually a very nice place to work. We have great views, nice hotels and good wine. And apparently this weekend we'll all be sitting around in the conference room talking about budgets and administrative purviews. I'm not complaining, but Adam Maynard in Fugitive is bitching about it being the same weekend as the NCAA tournament selection show. Never mind that he doesn't actually have to be at this conference.

I hate meetings and paperwork, but conferences I can do. Conferences are different from meetings and paperwork. They are a congress of ideas and even when there are stupid people in the room, I usually manage to learn something. That's different from Brady, who probably should be on Greenpeace's hitlist. Granted, the FBI doesn't like me being its poster boy, but they give me a long enough leash.

Who knows? Maybe I'll see a couple of you. I'll save you a donut. I'll be the guy hanging out by the watercooler who may or may not be plotting a dazzling showstopping number.

Prompt: 3. It was a great plan! The one little thing that went wrong was... (TBS 2.6.3.)

2008-03-07T01:25:33Z

It was a great plan! The one little thing that went wrong was...

They were all sitting around in the squadroom, even Vincent, talking about the case that they had just closed. It was somewhat of an end-of-the-week ritual at the SCU. If you were lucky, working for the Bureau, you'd get a handful of stories to tell. Every case in the SCU was one of those stories.

"You have to admit it was a pretty good plan, though," David pointed out, leaning back in his chair. "I mean, not that it was a criminal genius or anything, but it was convincing enough."

"It was a great plan," Chris mused. "The one little thing that went wrong was that the gun wasn't actually loaded."

That made Vincent blink. "He was holding a hostage and the gun wasn't even loaded?"

"Yeah." David shook his head. "But nobody had any way of knowing that, I mean, we weren't going to make him fire it off and see."

"Maybe we should have." Chris smirked. "Would have saved us a whole lot of time."

"Yeah, and that's what we were trying to do," David replied, earning him an amused laugh from his veteran partner. He ran a hand through his hair. "Guy just wanted attention, well, that was one way to get it."

"There are a whole lot of other ways to do it that don't involve ending up in jail," Analise commented, nursing her coffee. "I mean, he just wanted somebody to pay attention to him, so he decided to go take a hostage?"

"Sometimes people do strange things." Chris leaned forward and glanced at her. She was only in her first year with the SCU, and she would become a good agent someday. But he was there to give her the benefit of his experience. "The guy was an ex-con with a rap sheet a mile long. That's the way he knows how to get attention." He frowned slightly. It wasn't the outcome that he would have wanted, but he knew in his line of work that sometimes there wasn't much of a choice.

He paused. Then he chuckled.

"At least the guy had enough of a sense of humor to laugh at himself, I guess."

Sometimes, it was the small victories.

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 367

Prompt: Mildly psychotic. (TBS 2.5.3.J.)

2008-03-01T06:16:35Z

Mildly psychotic.

Upon hearing those two words come out of his boss's mouth, Chris didn't get angry. He didn't get annoyed. He just stood there, his left eyebrow arching and his lips flattening. He let Brady squirm for a moment before he half-smiled.

"Brady," he said slowly. "Let me clue you in on one of the deficiencies of the English language. That phrase makes no sense. It sucks. There's no such thing as mildly psychotic. That's like being sort of dead. If you're psychotic, you're psychotic, and you need mental help."

He held up a finger.

"And by the way, I'm not psychotic, because if I were psychotic? I wouldn't have this job. And if I were psychotic? Your head would probably be on a pike in the parking lot."

Brady stood there and just looked at him.

"...How about I never let you look at your own press again?"

"Cool." Chris chuckled. "I hate reading that stuff anyway. Wouldn't want it to go to my head."

"You so said that on purpose."

"Added bonus."

Muse: Chris Lipton
Fandom: Negativeland
Word Count: 172